Tuesday, July 14, 2009
So I am pretty sure that I am going to join Weight Watchers. Tomorrow is the open meeting. I am going to attend it and then decide. I really do want to lose weight. The thing is, I have a problem with commitment. If I knew that all I had to do was committ for one month and I would lose all this weight, I would be all over it. I HATE making long term committments though. Especially if it's going to be hard. Which I KNOW this will be. I am going to attempt to break my addiciton to food. WHich is hard in itself, but even harder because it's what I lean on when I am sad/depressed/angry/frustrated/etc. Now, I am not going to have food as a friend. I will have to be my own friend, and really deal with my feelings. This is going to suck. Except you know what won't suck? Is when I start losing weight and feeling better about myself. WHen I was about 160lbs and a size 11, I was still miserable. I hated my body. I thought my boobs were too small, and my ass and hips were too big. I hated how big my thighs were, and I hated my cellulite on the back of my ass. I thought I looked pregnant too. I was never happy. Looking back, I looked great. I would kill for that body now. Yes, I enjoy having really big boobs, but that is the ONLY positive thing about being this big. Well, that and that I can still handle my 140lb son when he gets out of control. ANyway, I am scared. I don't like chnage, but I know that some change is good. I am just so tired of being this fat. I have gained almost 40 lbs (I think) in the last 8 months, since I have had this new job. It's no good. Bleh!
Posted by justnotTHATmom at 3:27 PM