Thursday, April 9, 2009

My Passion...

So, I realized as I walked to work this morning that I have a passion, and it’s “thinking”. Can that be a passion? Maybe it’s not a passion because it’s sometimes involuntary, and sometimes I hate it. Maybe it’s an obsession. I definitely know it’s caused by my ADHD. I can’t stop it though. I sometimes I love it. My mind never stops. No matter what I am doing, I have fifty million thoughts running through my brain. How is that possible?

I really like to think. It’s like my passion. I really should start writing a blog religiously. Maybe I would be better. Maybe I would heal my old wounds. Maybe I would have fewer problems. Maybe it’s just all too much for my mind to keep in. Maybe all these thoughts are driving me crazy. I should write. I don’t write well though. I am not that witty or eloquent. I don’t have a big vocabulary. Why would I be writing? So that possible someone else would read it? What if no one wanted to hear what I had to say? My thoughts seem so interesting and crazy to me, but what if others were bored? How would I even find people to read my blogs? What would I write if I knew someone was reading them? Could I be myself? I think I would try to be too perfect. I never feel good enough to accomplish anything. I am trapped by my own insecurities.

I don’t know. Maybe my thoughts are not that important. What does one write about? What they think others want to hear? Or just everything they think? Or everything they feel like writing? Maybe I am making too big of a deal out of this. I should quit worrying so much. Ugh.

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